my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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