Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
