I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
