I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
