We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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