He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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