You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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