I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
