Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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