I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
