She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i would one night stand the shit outta him
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
