she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
