Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
