I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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