i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize