he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I love you. Go after that dick
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