dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just forgot I was standing up.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
