question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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