The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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