bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
