Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
