I'm going to jail i love you
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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