I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
