I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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