I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
