Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
