He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
