I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
