Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
