My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
