Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
