Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
