where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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