at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Randomize
