capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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