It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
