Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
