Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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