I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
