like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
