he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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