You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
