remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
