you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
