Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We are all done wearing pants today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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