I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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