I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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