im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
