Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
