It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize