When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize