She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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