omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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