next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
