Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
barbara walters just said penis...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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