Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
