wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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