I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
