I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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