Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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