he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
