Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
