I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
