i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
