Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
