So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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