I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
