The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
