$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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