If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize