Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize