im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
